Somebody will wish for something, starting the phrase with "I wish", Like; "I wish for world peace"

And somebody will transform that wish in something terrible and make their wish, starting the phrase with "Granted", Like:

"Granted, Everyone is dead"

"I wish I could have a PS4"

-"Granted, But you can only play free games"

-" I wish to understand every language"

And so on. I'll start:

I wish I could get another Red Bull, I'm exhausted. 

Granted, all of the hair on your body starts growing faster.

I wish my headache would disappear. 

Granted, but your all out of meds.

I wish it would rain.

Granted, but your house as no roof.

I wish my huskies would stop shedding.

Granted, they're now all naked dogs. 

I wish I had more coffee

Granted, but you have no cups.

I wish I lived on a lake.

Granted, but the water is toxic and smells terrible. 

I wish that I could go hiking. 

You can go hiking but it's a six day hike with only a two hour rest each night.

I wish I had the energy to shower and wash my hair 

Rosa is awesome, Rosa is fine, Rosa didn't write this...

Granted, but your water gets shut off.

I wish I could go swimming right now.

“Life is short but also like terribly and insufferably long at the same time.” - Jenna Marbles

Granted, but the water is extremely hot.

I wish I could eat but not gain any weight.

Granted but now no clothes will fit you

I wish I could have a big fat sundae right now 

Rosa is awesome, Rosa is fine, Rosa didn't write this...

Granted, but its sugar free ice cream.

I wish I could get a massage rn.

“Life is short but also like terribly and insufferably long at the same time.” - Jenna Marbles

Granted, but it's given to you by a massage student and they make your back feel worse.

I wish my cough would go away

Granted, but your face turned blue.

I wish groceries were cheaper.

Granted, but the price of everything else you need rises by 

granted, but

I wish this child would sleep until 8am

Granted, but the child now stays up until 3am. 

I wish I could grow vegetables. 

Granted, but they are about the size of your pinky nail.

I wish I could go see a show on broadway.

Granted, but it made you broke.

I wish laundry folded itself.

Granted, but you have nowhere to put it all.

I wish I could rollerblade!

Granted, but the wheels keep falling off.

I wish I had boundless energy during the day